Frequently Asked Questions

You will find answers to many of your questions about Mediation and Collaborative Divorce below. If you would like additional information, you can visit our Resources page or Find a Professional.

What Is Collaborative Divorce and how does it work?

The tone you set for your divorce process will impact the decisions you make for you and your children. All too often, the culture of divorce promotes a battle for the battle’s sake.  If everything is a battle, there will be battle scars.  Collaborative Divorce rejects the battlefield and, instead, invites spouses to sit down, engage in meaningful and rational interest-based decision-making, and keep the needs of the adults and children front and center, so that all family members move ahead with a sense of security. Collaborative Divorce ensures that parties have access to appropriately trained collaborative attorneys, financial professionals, and family-dynamic specialists who work as a team to help adults focus on their needs and parents focus on the needs of their children. The process is at its best when both spouses commit to a mutual understanding of their children’s best interests and full disclosure of finances and material information. Collaborative Divorce is supportive, constructive, individuated and empowering.


Susan Jacobs, Attorney, has practiced law for more than thirty years and has concentrated in Family Law over the past two decades, serving clients throughout the Greater New Haven area. She is a trained Collaborative Law Attorney and a Certified Mediator. Susan is committed to helping divorcing people find sane and reasonable solutions.

How will Collaborative Divorce benefit my children?

The Collaborative Divorce process helps parents focus on the needs of their children. The child specialist can help your children identify and communicate their needs, wants, and concerns. By avoiding the battles of a litigated divorce you are better able to co-parent during the divorce and after.

Why do we need so many professionals?

The needs and resources of each individual family will determine which and how many professionals are necessary. Divorce is not just a legal process. The Collaborative approach addresses the emotional and financial needs as well. The number of professionals involved in a collaborative divorce is similar to those involved in a typical traditional divorce. The advantage of Collaborative Divorce is that you choose the professionals you work with. These professionals are trained to work cooperatively which streamlines the process and minimizes duplication of efforts. As a result the Collaborative Divorce process is more cost effective.

How can I get my spouse to agree to the Collaborative process?

Your spouse may be resistant to any suggestions you make at this point. The key to someone deciding to choose the Collaborative process is information. The best way to get information is to meet with a trained Collaborative professional. Depending on what issues are most important to you, you can meet individually or together with an attorney, divorce coach, child specialist or financial planner. Any of these professionals can schedule a consultation to provide information about the process.

Is Collaborative Divorce right for my family?

Simply put, as long as both spouses are committed to the well being of their children, full disclosure of information, and moving on to a better situation for the whole family, YES! While you began your marriage with good intentions, you now believe that a divorce is your family’s best option. Divorces can begin with good intentions for the best interests of your children and the future well being of your whole family. Often the traditional approaches do not provide the support to see those goals through. Collaborative Divorce focuses on a productive use of your time and money for a result that will help all family members move ahead with a sense of security and your parental relationships intact, or maybe even improved. It is a process rooted in communication, setting goals, listening and is controlled by you and your spouse. Choosing Collaborative Divorce provides the best opportunity for your children to grow up with the support and cooperation of both parents. The future milestones in your children’s lives such as graduations and weddings can be celebrated by all.

Is Collaborative Divorce right for me?

Collaborative Divorce provides you with emotional, financial and legal support every step of the way. Choosing a Collaborative Divorce means that you place more value on a win-win for your family than on blaming your spouse or proving your spouse wrong.

Can I use this process if I was never married or if I am already divorced?

Even if you have never married or are already divorced you will have to obtain court orders for conflicts involving child custody, visitation and child support. These issues can be resolved using the Collaborative Divorce process.

What happens if an agreement cannot be reached?

The participation agreement signed at the beginning of the Collaborative Process states that if an agreement can not be reached you or your spouse may withdraw at any time. If this happens then both parties would hire new attorneys to litigate the case in court. Not having to “start over” is the motivation to find a resolution in the Collaborative Process. Often times during the Collaborative Process many issues DO get resolved and those can be carried into the litigation process if you do end up in court. The Collaborative Professionals involved in your case will do what they can to assist you in not having this happen. Each professional is trained in helping to resolve every issue. But once you start the Collaborative Process you aren’t stuck in it if it just isn’t working.

Mari C. Mariano, LMFT.  Her goal as a divorce coach is to assist people in developing parenting plans, implementing parenting plans and communicating better for the good of the family. Divorce can be stressful, emotional, and shocking and Mari hopes to be able to work with other professionals and families to help them with a smooth transition.

How does Collaborative Divorce differ from traditional litigation or mediation?

Collaborative Divorce differs from traditional litigation in that it is a voluntary, non-adversarial, and confidential process that allows you, the client, and your spouse to retain much of the control over the outcome of your divorce. Both you and your spouse will have an attorney by your side during the process to advise you and protect your interests. In Collaborative Divorce both attorneys are committed to helping you reach a settlement that you feel is right for your family. You will also have the expertise of financial, parenting and mental health professionals at the negotiations to help you make sound decisions during this difficult time of transition.

In traditional divorce your attorney will handle most of the negotiations while preparing for a trial in front of a judge who then decides the outcome. In all cases communications between you and your attorney are confidential, but in traditional divorce, hearings and trials are open to the public.

Even if your case settles prior to trial the emotional and financial costs spent on hearings and preparation for trial can be devastating. Collaborative Divorce allows you to think about settlement from the start. It allows all of your emotional and financial resources to be targeted toward reaching a settlement that works for your family, not one a judge decides. You can avoid doing battle with your spouse and causing harm to your children in the process.

Mediation is an alternative to litigation but unlike Collaborative Divorce you are not represented by an attorney or other professionals during the process. A mediator is a neutral party, not necessarily an attorney, who will help facilitate negotiations between you and your spouse but cannot advise either of you.

What is the difference between Collaborative Divorce and Mediation

In Collaborative Divorce you each have your own collaboratively trained counsel. In Mediation, a trained mediator works with both of you and assists you in reaching an agreement. A mediator will not provide you with independent legal advice. In either model, a team can be built to bring efficiency and focus where needed, such as using a Child Specialist in a parenting challenge, or a Financial Professional on a tax or financial planning question. You have choices and options, all individuated to your circumstances.

Does the Mediator have to be a lawyer?

No. If the primary issue is child-focused, parenting issues might best be mediated by a Child Specialist or Parenting Coach/Coordinator. If the primary issue is finance-focused, the issue might best be mediated by a Financial Professional. An attorney mediator will not provide independent legal advice to either of you as the mediator does not represent you in the traditional sense of lawyer/client relationships. However, the attorney mediator can and does provide legal information and can and does prepare the court forms and the agreement for court approval. In many situations, it is appropriate to co-mediate, so that all aspects of your divorce are fully addressed in an efficient process.

How does the cost of a Collaborative Divorce compare with the cost of a litigated divorce?

In the end, the cost of collaborative divorce is usually lower than a litigated divorce because results are produced more efficiently.  There is a better outcome for all and it costs less than traditional divorce litigation.  Always, the value to you and your family far exceeds the cost.

The collaborative divorce process eliminates the wasted time in courts during litigated divorces.  Countless hours and dollars are spent while you wait in court hallways.  You argue about the exchange of information.  You wait for other people’s arguments to end.  You can save on those lawyer bills by taking the collaborative route.

Due to the expertise brought by each collaborative professional, you come to agreements more efficiently.  The Family Specialist works with you both on communication and on parenting matters, if you have children.  A Financial Neutral partners closely with you to gather and organize financial information.  Thus, your attorney can be there to provide counsel that focuses on your interests and the law.

Because of this, you get a coordinated, collaborative approach. There is a high level of attention to your family’s needs.  Your relational, financial, and legal needs are served by the experts in an integrated way.  The collaborative team is always mindful to minimize time spent on the process and still produce results. 

Jennifer L. Champagne, MA, is a licensed professional counselor whose practice is devoted exclusively to the emotional and parenting issues of divorce.


Will my lawyer still protect my interests?

The role of the Collaborative Divorce Attorney includes fully protecting the client’s interests while adhering to the principles of fair negotiations in an alternative dispute resolution process. A Collaborative Attorney, in concert with all the participants in a collaborative divorce process, agrees to make full disclosure of relevant information to ensure fair negotiations. This departure from the traditional role of zealously guarding only the client’s direct interests is arranged through the Collaborative Agreement to create an atmosphere where parties are able to come together on issues while feeling supported, informed and empowered to make decisions that will positively affect their future and the future of their family. By agreement of the parties, including the attorney’s client, the Collaborative Divorce Lawyer acts not only as an advocate, but also as a resource, an educator, and a protector of the collaborative process.

A Collaborative Divorce Attorney will be by your side throughout the entire process of reaching a comprehensive and fair agreement with your spouse. Your attorney will provide legal advice helping you to determine what your rights and responsibilities are and what laws apply to your situation. They will also advise you on the benefits and drawbacks of all settlement proposals to help you be comfortable in knowing you are making informed decisions. When needed, your attorney will be able to assist you in advocating and communicating your interests to ensure they are fully considered. In short, your Collaborative Lawyer is not only your guide throughout this complicated process but is there to protect your rights and interests and to ensure your agreement meets your needs, while also keeping everyone focused on the common goal of a fair and equitable agreement.

A Collaborative Divorce Attorney is an advocate for their client within a collaborative dispute resolution setting. By contrast, a Mediator is by definition a “neutral” within the Mediation process, which is a different type of dispute resolution than the Collaborative Divorce process. A Mediator’s role is to act as a guide and to help develop options for parties to consider as they work toward mutual agreement on the terms of an agreement. A Mediator cannot represent, provide legal advice to, or advocate for, either party.  A Mediator will not advise parties as to what is fair and reasonable under the circumstances, or define the benefits and drawbacks as they relate to each party, as doing so could jeopardize their neutrality.

Robyn R. Klaskin, Attorney, is a Founding Member of DSC.  Her practice is dedicated to guiding people through divorce and difficult family conflicts with privacy, respect and civility, to achieve the best result for the children and the family.

What Are the Ways to Divorce and What do Adversarial and Non-Adversarial mean?

There are three divorce processes that fall into two general categories. The types of divorce are adversarial and non-adversarial. An adversarial divorce is contested, whereby spouses are unable to reach an agreement on the key issues such as division of property, child support, spousal support, among others. Therefore, all areas of conflict are dealt with via litigation in court.  A non-adversarial divorce is uncontested, whereby spouses are able to reach an agreement on all the issues and do not require court intervention to rule on the issues. Divorces that are non-adversarial usually cost less, are less emotional and require little to no court time other than to put an Agreement on the record.

Mediation and Collaboration are the two non-adversarial alternatives to litigation. Whether resolving issues via mediation with a neutral third party who serves as a facilitator, or via collaboration, where each spouse retains independent collaborative representation, the parties avoid court-imposed orders and resolve their issues in a private setting.


Allisan Lee Adams, Attorney has over 30 years of experience providing legal services to individuals and families. In divorce cases, Allisan is passionate about helping couples reach a settlement agreement through one of two non-adversarial processes: mediation or collaboration. Through a holistic approach to divorce, she encourages couples with children to recognize that while they will no longer be a couple, they will always share a family.